A retired Christopher Walken, talking on the phone to the fire chief, about getting his cat down out of his tree.

  A retired Christopher Walken, talking on the phone to the fire chief, about getting his cat down out of his tree.

Walken: (talking on the phone) Hello Gene… You don’t mind if I call you Gene do you? Oh, good. I think of you now more like an old war buddy than my friendly neighborhood fire chief.  I feel a certain closeness to you Gene, that I have never felt before with a fire chief. I mean I’ve never felt close to fire chief, not that I steer clear of them mind you. I just don’t know many.

Any who… Here’s my predicament. I’m sure you remember Boots. Heh, yeah. The little scamp. Always in trouble that little guy. (laughs awkwardly) listen Gene, he’s up my damn Japanese Adler again.  Like, really far up this time.  I threw my old tennis racquet trying to scare him down gene. He just…he just went further up. the little bastard. Half of my Ben Hogans are up in that damn tree cause of that son of a bitch. I am supposed to play 18 holes with Billy Murray on Tuesday and I need those clubs to get in some practice. Murray is a monster on the green. A real savage and I gotta get those clubs…yeah…and the boots too.

You’re gonna need the engine with the ladder this time. He’s gone so far up. So far.

Yeah. Like on the really bendy branches gene. I don’t know the scientific term for those branches…yeah. Oh, the crown, that’s what it’s called? Well, he’s on top of jewels of the crown. That’s how damn high up he is. I mean, I got dizzy just looking up there. It’s stupid scary Gene.  

If you use a loudspeaker to get his attention, you can’t yell thru it. You have to whisper. Yelling just pisses him off. Then you’ll have a pissed off cat up at the top of your Japanese adler. What? ….was that how He got up there? Well, I won’t go into the particulars with you Gene-o but yes, we had a heated discussion. There was a disagreement between the ungrateful prick and I over a Satsuma orange that he had to play with. It was the last orange in the house and he has to mess it up! It looked like a murder scene! If that Satsuma had folks to come over and see what that cat did to him. That fruit’s parents would die of shock, on site Gene! On site! And the kicker is that he didn’t even eat it. He just tore it to shreds like he does everything else in this damn house.

Look Gene, I got to go. My idiot of a gardener is trimming my rose bush with the bold cutters again. But please, like I said. Hurry. I need those damn golf clubs…yeah… yeah, and the cat too.

(hangs up)