Sunday, November 15, 2020

I started a Patreon account!

Hey everyone. Hope you are well. I just wanted to let you all know that I have started a Patreon account and I invite everyone to please join me on my quest to make and create awesome stuff for you all! 

 

The link is below! wooo!

https://www.patreon.com/timothy_zero_

Deep dive into deconstruction

 I was told recently that I have a stoic face.

That I can hide emotion really well. I guess I have never thought about it that way.
I see it as a form of protection. It's something that I have done since high school, being a person that was heavily bullied. I learned to closely guard my emotions. I learned to keep emotion away from my face so no one knew how I felt.

I still do it. I just didn't realize that I did until last night. Maybe that's my problem with talking to people and interacting with them. I see every stranger as a potential threat and I don't open up to them until they open up to me first. And in this world, that usually doesn't happen a lot. I wait for someone to talk to me so I can see that they are not a threat and it's ok for me to open up and talk to them.

It sucks that I've just learned this about myself. So how do I fix this? How do I untrain my brain to be more open? I know it's little steps. But I'm not a snob. If you talk to me. I will talk to you and be warm and considerate. I just need the other person to make the first step and show me that I don't have to consider them a threat, so I stop looking for potential weak spots in them in case they try to hurt me.
It's really no way to live at all. Just imagine, all the potential friends that I've shut out because I saw them as a threat or that I thought they were going to harm or hurt me.

It's very depressing.

So please know though. I am loyal to my friends. To an almost stupid level.
It's just making friends. Making new ones. It's just hard.

Friday, July 17, 2020

update from 8 weeks later in quarantine limbo

On Sunday, May 17th, I developed a fever. Nothing really bad but it was higher than normal. Also, I was told that someone I was in contact with, tested positive for COVID 19. I knew in my gut that I was going to test positive as well. And on May 19th I tested positive. My symptoms were Fever, headache, weakness, dry cough, heaviness in the lungs, then lack of smell and taste. After 8 days, my cough got much worse, and so did my difficulty managing my mucus. I went back to the doctor nearing the end of 14 days and was told that I had a mild case of pneumonia and was given a dose of z-pac.

Then I took another test and was positive again. I took zinc, vitamin d12, and lots of hot tea, (peppermint, and green tea) I started sweating thru my shirts, twice a day. (once in the day and the other in the night) I took Tylenol daily to keep the fever down. And around the 18th day, my fever went back to normal, but the other symptoms were still with me and I started seeing things, fast-moving grey shadows around my feet which I thought were cats. It's a good thing I have two cats or I would have thought I was going crazy.

 Then I tested positive for a third time which left my doctor bewildered and she said that she would talk to the CDC to see what else they can do. (which didn't happen) She did give me a prescription for antibiotics. Also, during this time I had contact with the state health department but they didn't stay in contact with me for very long (4 days) and then UAMS contacted me and then stopped as well.

You'd think that there would be some communication with each other during this whole ordeal but nope! Every time I tested positive I had to go thru the same hoops as the beginning.
I still felt weak, and still had a problem with coughing and mucus even after my second round of antibiotics, then I took Mucinex which didn't do anything for me.

I tested positive for a 4th time! But around the end of the first week, my cough started to let up, and then the mucus did as well, but I still felt like I was wearing a weight vest on me. Even though I lost about 30 lbs, I didn't really get winded though. I just felt very weak.

I am telling you all these things to show you this is no joke! Wear your stupid mask!
Once thought that was a constant in my mind while this was going on was either I get better or I am going to die. I was terrified for so long! I was stuck in my house for 8 weeks!

And COVID did something weird to my brain for a bit there. I couldn't write anything and drawing was difficult because my hands shook, so I could do any kind of fine detail. Just recently, I started coming up with writing ideas my hand stopped shaking which were a relief because I was beginning to think that COVID took my writing away.

Are you listening to me?! I am telling you now. This was worse than anything I have ever been through. I would have to sometimes use a pillow and press it against my chest to help with coughing, or basically wrap a towel around my chest very tight like a corset to help with the pain of coughing. I would cough so hard I'd lose my breath and my eyes would go black.

I thankful for all the prayers during all this, because I really didn't know what to do. I was the only person that I knew that tested positive 4 times. And being stuck at home for that long, kind of messed with my head. It still does.
But I have been released from quarantine and I am going back to work soon.
So my message to you is, wash your stupid hands, keep your mask on over your nose and mouth in public! Stop being a stupid crybaby, complaining about how you can't breathe! Well, once you get this, and you will! If you don't follow protocol! you'll know first hand about not being able to breathe!

Tuesday, May 19, 2020

Update 5/19/20

Greetings,

I started feeling a little peculiar Sunday evening. Also, I was told by someone that I have been in contact with was positive for COVID, so my work told me to go get checked out. I had the swab test done and this morning they said, I tested positive for the virus. I have had a low-grade temp, cough, headache, and a dash of sneezing so far.

I am now legitimately quarantined now will be so for the next 14 days.

There are a lot of unknowns here at the moment. My dr. said the majority of positive cases lately have been not very bad. Let's hope that mine is within that category.

I will try and update any who reads this blog still on my progress. Prayers and thoughts and positivity are all very welcome.

And please be safe, and keep doing what you are doing.

Tim

Sunday, February 23, 2020

50 things that make me laugh


50 things that make me laugh


1. Faulty Gas pumps

2. Hang gliding mishaps
3. Matadors getting their comeuppance 
4. Dom Deluise’s laugh
5. Movie bloopers 
6. Depressing talks that end awkwardly
7. People getting slapped
8. Drivers with road rage 
9. The word “swamp” 
10. Slave bracelets 
11. People talking to their exes on the phone
12. The word “eyeball” 
13. Repeating a word until it has no more meaning
14. Butts
15. People “ugly crying” 
16. Drunk people getting badly injured 
17. Bull riders getting badly injured 
18. Flat earthers 
19. Antivaxers
20. People who drive giant trucks 
21. Hair plugs
22. Hair extensions 
23. 40-year-old adolescents 
24. Shoplifters crying
25. Overhearing weird conversations in grocery stores
26. Late-night clothing styles 
27. The word “hamburger” 
28. Cowboy boots
29. Contemporary country music
30. Giant rims on surplus, ex-police cars
31. The car sticker “salt life”
32. “In memory of” car stickers 
33. Intestinal parasites that egress during a bowel movement
34. Chicken soup books
35. Dull scissors 
36. Toenail clippings on public bathroom floors 
37. A thin layer of bubbling, burnt, coffee tar left in the pot. 
38. Skidmarks on toilet seats 
39. Men’s room grunts 
40. Nicotine stained fingernails
41. Flipflops in January 
42. Black ice 
43. Stranded cars on the side of the road
44. Kids leaning back to fast and hitting their heads on church pews 
45. Kids crying so hard their parents are shaking them, telling them to “breath” 
46. Children falling off things
47. Incontinence 
48. Two-week-old chili bowls
49. People eating potato chips 
50. 90's cowboy fashion

My solsburry

I woke up with the song Solsburry hill in my head, this rather nice morning. It, being the weather, not the morning. I had the song still with me.
I really like the song, but I didn’t know that I liked it that much.
I heard that the song gives sort of a reason why Gabriel left the group, Genesis. And then after reading the lyrics to the song, It made me feel strange. The song is about change, and about fear of what others will think once they see what you have changed into. With lyrics like “To keep in silence I resigned.” And “I will show another me.” Or “ I walked right of the machinery.” It made me feel as if I was hitting upon something big inside me. Something that I had been ignoring for some time. I couldn’t exactly remember all the lyrics, so when I got to work this morning I looked them up.
What I came up with, was something like the pain of going forward. And the things you tend to leave behind. The people the places. The memories. Will they understand what it is that you are doing? Will they see the path ahead of you? Will they understand?
No. No they won’t understand.
They will think you are crazy. They will say that you have gone weird on them. Your friends that you thought were your closest, will turn on you. It’s moments like these that will define you. They will show you who your true friends are and who will understand your choices. Then you can keep going forward and never look back.


Sunday, February 2, 2020

Animal Noir review


Animal Noir TP

If you have not read this book or even heard of it, or you might not think it would be your cup of proverbial tea, do not be deterred by the cartoonesque art style and the anthropomorphic animals!  This is a very gritty and brutal crime drama.
It is very easy to be seduced by a book that is touted as a cross between “Chinatown” and “Animal Farm”

It all starts with a film. Not just a normal film, but in Prey industry, they call "Hunt Porn"
Local Serengeti City Private Investigator, who's also giraffe and answers to the name Immanuel Diamond, but he’s “Manny” to his buddies. He gets a job from his uncle Theo, a powerful local Judge to find a certain film that contains some sensitive material, that being his wife in pretend scenario where she is acting like she’s being eaten by a predator. Theo paid to make the whole mess go away, but like most secrets, they always come up for air eventually.

This chain-smoking crass giraffe glides thru the slums and gutters of the depraved as well as the palaces of the rich hippo crime bosses trying to track down the film that his uncle is obsessed with finding but things prove to be a way simpler and at the same time complicated to his case.

Izar Lunacek pulls double duty on this book, as a co-writer (with Nejc Juren) and the artist too. His art is a bit of an acquired taste, but once you get used to it, it’s actually pretty interesting, the way he portrays scale of emotion: the seething intensity of hatred and anger, to joy and sadness. This book is morally loose, (like our world) but also shows you a lens into which you see the world around you, a world fraught with racism, classism, and hypocrisy, but since this world is populated by talking animals, the message is easier to sneak past your defenses and go straight for the throat at times you would least expect it. The Slovenian writer/artist who got his start in a local newspaper should be someone to keep an eye out for in the future.

Dense and unapologetic, Animal Noir is devious, very allegorical, scandalous and really creeps into the back of your mind for hours later. It seeps into it with ease, like water into a sponge and saturates your brain. Do yourself a favor and get this one.


What I have been up to.

I have been thinking about using this more as a review of things that I am into lately and a link dump by which I show you what I am listening to or ran across on the web.

I don't feel as though posting this stuff on Facebook will get looked at so posting it here will guarantee that it will never ever be seen. BWAHAHA.

Anyway.

Been getting into this band called Haircuts for men lately. I bought two of their albums already and will probably purchase more in the future as well.

https://youtu.be/oPxLTD9gbh4

Also, I have been revisiting my noise, jazz core, thrashcore, roots as of late. I discovered this band from Japan called Otoboke Beaver. And they are all that is awesome!

https://youtu.be/fkWfFXnLpYg

I have been writing, drawing or creating stuff since the beginning of this year and it feels pretty good if I do say so myself. My desk is covered in greebles, plastic dust, and notebooks. How are you?