Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Yes, I wrote this. No, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Wayside soup kitchen
252 Oxford Street,
Portland, Oregon 97201


Dear Ms. Ballard,


     I first off would like to thank you for all of your generous donations to us in the past. All of the food that you have donated to the Wayside soup kitchen has feed countless needy and we simply cannot thank you enough for your contributions.

     All though, I thought I made myself clear with your latest donations that we would no longer be taking food from you, after the first incident last year when a patron began choking on some fettuccini alfredo that you gave to us. Once the Heimlich maneuver was performed we found that he had been choking on a soiled prophylactic, ribbed I
might add! 

    We over looked this incident due to the demeanor of the patron and discovered that he was a patient that had escaped from a local mental health hospital.  Yesterday you brought us a large container filled with angel hair pasta and we accepted it kindly. During supper last night a patron began complaining about the pasta and pulled large amounts of hair from his plate and from his mouth. Another patron pulled several human fingernails with the root still attached from another plate of the food that you brought to us. Also we learned from a local grocery store that you nicknamed the “pasta princess” because of all the pasta you buy from them and you asked one of the underage stockers to participate in a “food orgy” with you.

Please stop sending us food or we will be forced to press charges against you Ms. Ballard.

  

Sincerely,
Margaret Fong
Director of affairs
Wayside Soup Kitchen
 





Saturday, September 23, 2017

Stalker's Poem

Hello everyone. Sorry it has taken me so long to do another blog post. I have been busy with life and all that stuff. Also I am going to be reviewing for a website called fanboyfactory, where I will being doing interviews, and reviewing comics, toys and movies as well. So I look forward to it.

A while back someone, whose name escapes me on instragram, re-grammed this person’s beautiful picture of Stalker enjoying some winter kayaking and asked for people to write a poem about it. A poem written by Stalker himself.

@badgerscratch go follow him if you haven’t. He’s got a great eye for photography!


Mind you I kind of quit writing poetry about 3 years ago. And even when I did write poetry, I didn’t share it with anyone. So for some reason or another, I jumped at the chance to write a poem from the perspective of Stalker.


The following is just that. Hope you enjoy.
(It’s a little embarrassing)

Nature.
Rooted in stasis.
The ground smothered
in snow and ice.
The woodland creatures:
some buried beneath the leaves ad soil,
some in a torpor in hollowed logs
and caves.
They all dream of the day to
come out, to live again.
The most unforgiving
and brutal season of them all,
can still give warmth
to a man's heart.



Friday, September 15, 2017

I channel Gerald Okamura when confronted with bad potatoes


I was drying off some wet sweet potatoes this morning, and I accidentally squeezed one that had a rotten end. Well, needless to say, I turned the tuber, into a tube of toothpaste. And my verbal reaction to this was to make a sound like Gerald Okamura, the two gun wielding hatchet man for the Wing Kong gang in Big trouble in little China. And now you can hear the noise in your head. 

And now a public service announcement from Henry Rollins


Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Bill Mantlo

Bill Mantlo…



There I said it. After years of soul searching and turning the magnifying lens inward, you could never get me to say who my favorite comic book writer was. When I was young lad, I couldn’t be bothered by who the writer of the current comic book I was reading. Then when I was older, just the getting into my teens, I read nothing by Marvel Comics. I loved Marvel writers! Like John Byrne, Chris Claremont, Frank Miller, Ann Nocenti, and Bill Mantlo. But then the 90’s opened up to an even more exaggerated 80’s style, and then I was done with hyper stylized heroes of Image comics and a splash page every two pages and every artist had jumped on Rob Liefield’s jock.

That’s not how you do good storytelling in my book. Nope, no sir.

Thank God for DC comics or I would have quit comics all together. Swamp Thing, Doom Patrol, The Sandman, Shade the changing man, Hellblazer, Animal Man... I was seduced! I couldn’t get enough of the stories and amazing characters! (I could go on and on here but I’ll not bore you.) So then in January of 1993 Vertigo comics was born and all of these titles under one roof and I dove in heard first and never looked back. It was my “Salad Days” for comic books. But this post isn’t about them.

You tend to go back and look at your life and what you loved as a kid when you get older. So I was looking back at the comics that I re-read until the covers fell off and that was Micronauts, and Rom Spaceknight both written stunningly by Bill Mantlo. I know that there are dozens of blog posts out there written about him and his works. But this is how he influenced me and how it took a long introspective voyage for me to realize that. What pulled me to the comics that Mantlo wrote were that he took at toys that had no back story, toys that didn’t have a popular run and let his imagination run amok. I mean have you ever looked at the box art of the old Micronauts toys from the 1970’s?
They amazing!

Those toys opened up my head and rewired it! Literally! Well not literally but I used to stare at Ken Kelly’s artwork and my imagination would put my brain in a atmospheric  diving suit, and scream, “SEE YA LATER!” and just jump into the box art and not come back for 48 hours.




I still have all my Micronauts comics that I had as a kid and the ones that I collected as an adult as well. Mantlo’s world building for the book was second to none! His character’s were well thought out and had a voice that was identifiable and interesting. I found none of them boring and I felt like I was much a part of the crew of the HMS Endeavor as they were.





 (The character list below was taken from Wikipedia because I am not trusted to write the descriptions because I am a giant NERD and will get way too sappy in this part.)  

Acroyear - Energy sword-wielding stoic and super-strong former ruler of the armor-clad Acroyears of the harsh and rocky planet Spartak.

Biotron - Tall & stalwart first of the part machine, part organic Roboids who accompanied Arcturus Rann on his 1,000 year mission. The loyal and dependable co-pilot of the H.M.S. Endeavor was destroyed and later resurrected in giant form as a sentient starcraft known as the Bioship.

Bug - A wisecracking master thief who is an antenna-headed green Insectivorid from the planet Kaliklak. Armed with his rocket-lance and as agile a wall-crawler as any Spider-Man, Bug tends to "tik" when he talks and loves to eat snail-loaf.

Marionette - Princess Mari, beautiful acrobatic rebel fighter who is the daughter of the slain rulers of Homeworld and sister of hero turned villain Prince Argon.

Microtron - Marionette's loyal little personal Roboid whose clever computer brain and extendable pincer arms always come in handy.

Arcturus Rann - Heroic explorer and rotor-winged Space Glider who returned from a 1,000 year mission only to find his world taken over by his former teacher who had become a Darth Vader-style despot while he was away.

Bill said he was looking at his son playing with them once Christmas morning and imagined the stories behind the characters.

The conversations that the Micronauts had were sometimes over my child comprehension, but I did learn a lot from them. In 1986 my family was going through a tough time. My aunt died and my parents were going through a divorce. One Friday after school I was walking with Mother to the car and I was worried about how my Father would be behaving later that night. He usually got very drunk on Friday and Saturday nights. I remembered Biotron asking a wino in a Micronauts comic about his state of inebriation. 



I asked her, “Do you think Dad will be in full possession of his faculties?”
I didn’t want to say, is he going to be blind stinking drunk and make me cry. So I
found id easier to say it that way.

I pretended that I was Biotron a lot in my spare time. Just a self reliant robot that could think his way out of any predicament, he was resourceful, smart, and right there with
Acroyear as my favorites of the crew.

Even though he was a drunk and abusive, I would keep everything that he gave me when he came home from Guard Duty and that was usually comic books. One of them he told me to never get rid of which was Micronauts issue #28 that had the major fight between Acroyear and Baron Karza. I re-read that comic book over and over until it no longer had a cover of a first page.



So then about 4 years ago, I rediscovered them and went about collecting all the issues that could find in the wild. And after that I’ll go via the internet finding the rest.

I felt a closeness to Mantlo that I’ve ever felt with any of the other writers of my past or present. He knew how to tell a story and just keep you nailed to your seat. If I was a writer for marvel back then and saw the part he did in Micronauts with Dr. Strange. And I was told that I’d be writing series of the ex-Dr. now Sorcerer Supreme. I’d saw, “Naw!”
He killed it in one page! That’s Dr. Strange and no else can say different!  

Mantlo’s writing was a force to be reckoned with. It’s no wonder he went from fill in king to the most sought after writer in Marvel so quickly. Sadly, like all things we love as
a kid, we abandon them for the most part, or we put them away and out of site so that we discover them again later, and fall in love with them all over again. And that was the case
for me and the writings of Mr. Mantlo.

Four years ago I was going to track him down and writer him a book sized thank you letter about what he did for me, and that’s when I found out that he’d been struck by a car while rollerblading in 1992. They never found the driver and Bill never regained a normal thought process. His brother Mike takes care of him now, and there’s a funding for all the medical expenses that he has accrued over the years. I know if I ever became rich or won the lottery, I’d give it all to help him out. He gave me a world that I could escape to and leave the one that plagued me in 1986 far behind.

It’s been said that the first Velvet Underground record sold only 30,000 copies in its first five years. Yet, that was an enormously important record for so many people. Because everyone who bought one of those 30,000 copies started a band. I feel the same way with Bill Mantlo’s work. Micronauts may not have been a household name but everyone that knows about it went out and did something important.


If you would like to know more about Bill or want to donate to help him out, check out these sites below:




Saturday, September 9, 2017

This is bad comedy

Douchebag: If I hear “Hooked on a Feeling” one more time I’m going to kick a baby in the crotch.
Me: Why not in the soft part of the skull where there’s no bone protection there? You could just push really hard there. You wouldn’t have to expend alot of energy.
Douchbage: Because it’s not as funny.
Me: Sure it is. Crotch kicking is played out. Ask any Canadian. Especially infant crotch kicking. That scene got played out in 97. The new thing now is Noogies on the soft spot. You can usually kill a lot of I.Q. points with that. And Canadians know comedy! 

Friday, September 1, 2017

Pat Renick and The Triceracopter

Triceracopter: The Hope for the Obsolescence of War 
 "I was drawn to the triceratops as a form—the horns, huge head, and massive rill. Also, it had a highly developed defense system. It was one of the last dinosaurs to become extinct. The helicopter also has a special history. It is a U.S. Army OH-6A Cayuse. In the Vietnam War, the Cayuse often served as a weapon of attack, drawing enemy fire at night. The tracers were like bait, providing jet fighters with a target to hit. I wanted people to sense the combined force of biological and technological weaponry. The visual metaphor may be strange, but it seemed to resonate with people on both sides of the ideological struggles about that war. It took over a year to get the project going, but people were willing to help. The Army shipped the helicopter cross-country. It was damaged, so I had to reconstruct the airframe in fiberglass. I got some missing parts from the National Guard. I found a loft where the owner only charged me for utilities.“ - Patricia A. Renick
Portrait of the artist, Patricia Renick.

Renick working doing a sketch of what soon will be.

The sculpting stage.

The fiberglass stage. 

Triceracopter, 1976. Fiberglass and salvaged OH-6A Cayuse helicopter, 13 x 10 x 30 ft

 the texture on the face was cast from the cracked, dried-out tar roof on her studio.




I was transfixed by this sculpture the first time that I saw it. I was in Kindergarten and looking through a book of some sort.( I really wish I could remember what book it was.) It stuck with me for years and years, but like all memories, they fade back into the furthest parts of your mind and lay dormant, waiting on a specific, random, thing that will make you remember it. I wish I could tell you that I had some epiphany or had a dream where the Triceracopter descended down from the firmament before my very eyes, and while hovering with it's main rotor, it began to graze on the grass beneath it. I honestly can't recall why I thought of this big guy. I guess it was like all the other things in my brain. I never know what will come up and say, "Hey! Remember me? I'm your knowledge of what kind of shoe Mr. Rogers wore. (He wore Topsiders, if you were curious."   

Hearing that the actual body of the dinosaur was a U.S. Army OH-6A Cayuse struck a chord with me when I was a kid. I didn't know why at first. But then I did some digging around and found out that the civilian version of the Cayuse is the MD 500. And that doesn't ring a bell in your memory banks, then perhaps this picture will help. 

T.C.'s MD 500 from the TV show, Magnum P.I. 
As kid I really didn't care who created the Triceracopter. And as kids, we usually don't care who was the creator of things, or the artist that drew a favorite picture that you loved when you were small.
We really just care about the finished product and how it ensnares our imagination. When you get older though, you start to go back and do some digging around on that one artist that painted your favorite pictures on a toy package, or the designer that made the spaceship that stole your heart. And that's pretty much what I did. I did some looking around and found out more about this woman.

Pat Renick was born in Florida in 1932, in her 20's she was led to believe that she had suffered a psychotic break and was given Electro Convulsion Therapy. This action seemed to make all rational thought and memories disintegrate right as she tried to recall simple things. They'd scurry away like a frightened bird. Against her Doctors will, she released herself from their care. The warned that she'd surely commit suicide. It wasn't until later that a friend and future lover explained to her that not only was she sane, but she had suffered from the effects of a popular diet pill back then called, " dextroamphetamine sulfate", also known as speed. She slowly regained her faculties back and her self confidence and traveled abroad for a while before coming back to states and attended Ohio State University. Where she came up with the idea of the Triceracopter. Later  she taught at the University of Cincinnati’s College of Design, Architecture, Art, and Planning (DAAP) from 1970 until retiring in 2001. Renick was a strong willed woman, a feminist and a lesbian. And I feel the same way that I did when I was a kid about her. Her art speaks to me and tells me about who she was. She could have turned out to be a 50ft cephalopod that fed on the spinal fluid of blue whales and I wouldn't care. Because she made something that I still hold dear to my heart, and maybe, just maybe. I will get to see the big green brute with my own eyes someday.

I'll end this post with another quote by Renick, "Don’t think about the inability to do something or the liability of doing something out here. Make it inside. Make it in your mind. Think about it. Dream about it. And that’s how you’re going to find a solution."

Here below are some links to more about Pat and her creation.