You too can be a dissociative.

Saturday night.

Windows in the house open letting the cool spring air in. Hunkered down at a table covered in ashtrays,empty soda bottles,candy wrappers and half eaten food. 

Not a care in the world. Your sides sting slightly from laughter. 

The tv is playing some horrible obscure movie from the 80's...it's on mute. In the background behind the talking is some swedish bubble gum pop band singing about simple formalities. Now and again you hear faint breathless whispers of it, causing someone to pipe up and say, "what are we listening to?"

Role playing games until 6am.

I miss geeks. I miss being one. 

I miss bedhead and clothes you've worn for three days straight. I miss not caring. ....

I miss a lot of things. 

But on a different subject, I miss being able to go into my own little world for days at a time. I miss pretending to be something that I am not. I miss not being worried about mirrors. I didn't care who I was. I didn't need reassurance of my reflection, because I wasn't what I saw. 

I wasn't anything near that. 

I was something else. And I could stay that way for as long as I wanted. 

I hate longing for things.